The very morning my mother passed away, January 26th, I sent out a mass family e-mail. It read:
No one visit the cabin for the next week! Grandpa has taken Grandma to the cabin, and since he hasn’t seen her for over 21 months he has placed a DO NOT DISTURB sign on the front door! Let’s allow them some private time. 🙂
Here they are in their angel clothes standing outside the cabin.
This is the view I will see when I see them again one day…
They are together once again!
It makes my heart burst with joy!
It’s been 2 weeks today since I buried my mom…
For the next little while my posts will be a waste of your time,
but not mine.
A “downer” for you, so stop reading.
I am in grieving time, and that is okay.
The tears do not flow on the outside as frequently as they did-
yet I continue to cry on the inside.
Searching through my silent world
I seek an outlet for my tears.
And so, once again I turn to the arts.
My medium will be words—
my canvas will be my blogs.
I don’t have the energy or desire
to make the effort for a mess.
Here is my expression today…
The “D” word.
It is much more terrifying than the awful “F” word.
The “D” word lives in every living thing’s nightmares–The “D” word is DEATH.
The “F” word—just a release of negative energy; crude and vulgar—
but not usually feared to hear even though it is offensive to most.
But the “D” word– it goes deep to the core for us all.
And often we don’t want to think of it,
hear of it, or speak of it until it shakes us and
stares us in the face, leaving us to face the reality—
if we can even get our heads around the reality of death.
Certainly we don’t want to read a blog post about death–especially a cancer blog post!
Why would we? We can barely even say the “D” word as it stares us in the face!
Yet we watch it perhaps every single night on television or in movies,
we read about it everyday.
We can’t keep our curiosity away from sneaking a peek.
Why is that?
Something that we are terrified of we enjoy watching—steps away.
Does virtually looking make us feel as conquerors—.
Perhaps is it because we all know
we are standing
on that same escalator
second by second,
minute by minute,
hour by hour
as time won’t stop ticking!
Sometimes we try to run down a few steps
to keep us from moving closer to that terrifying end,
some of us even choose to do things which move us up a few stairs,
some scoot up way too fast not by choice–
but we can’t get off.
We know we can never get off.
That escalator makes me feel weird right now
as someone close to my heart
has finished her ride.
I hate the “D” word.
It makes me lonesome.
It makes me homesick.
It makes me tired.
It makes me afraid…
It makes me…
to the only thing I know
to hold on to
which is…LIFE and LOVE!
Hmmm…the “L” words.