My Gift

When we speak of those who are instruments in the hand of God, we are reminded that not all angels are from the other side of the veil, some of them we walk and talk with—here, now, everyday…

Indeed heaven never seems closer than when we see the love of God manifested in the kindness and devotion of people so good and so pure that angelic is the only word that comes to mind.

Jeffrey R. Holland

3 days ago a gigantic piece of my heart fell off. My best friend and blessed mama went back to heaven. For over two years my five siblings and I have helped breathe her every breath and watch her light fade one dimming flicker at a time, while we stroked her arm, and kissed her cheeks. I shall miss her light and warmth. All who knew her felt she was a phenomenon–unique and pure set in a coarse world. She was truly a walking, talking, loving angel here on earth.  Angels don’t go away–ever. As I lie on her empty bed and allow the emotions flow, honoring my love for her, I feel a glowing warmth slowly fill that emptiness. She is wrapped around me.

Gratitude is the only word I can think to express to God how I feel, that I was so fortunate to be sent to her. For she was my gift and will be forever!

One Big Forest Family

I love love love my forest family!

Okay, sometimes they are pests,

but what family doesn’t have pests sometimes.

Today it is  7 degrees where I live.

I am hibernating inside, but not my forest family!

The sparrows do a “cold feet” dance flitting on top of snow mounds, pecking at bird seeds that have fallen from the feeders.

My 10 dove children wait patiently on the roof of the swing set, all in a row–they coo and peck…

 The fat squirrels are the “big kids,” bossing the others with their chatters,

hanging in contorted positions to reach the food hung strategically away from them.

I lost that battle years ago!

The bright red cardinals contrast with the white snow. They are the “middle children,” who tease the squirrels, sneaking treats while they eat, and then ignore the younger sparrow brothers and sisters.

While I sip my hot chocolate, petting my lazy cat on my lap–   who also watches carefully,

I can’t help but be entertained like a mother watching her little forest children scuffle and play in the snow.

They perform for me; chattering and seemingly laughing…

I feel adopted by them somehow. They know I am here, smiling and watching–and feeding them.

And it feels comforting like one big earth family facing winter together.

YIKES!

There I was, cheering and  whistling at our teenage girl’s fashion show at church. It was corny and fun as each girl modeled her school clothes, church clothes, or old prom dresses. It was a relaxed atmosphere as lights were strewn on the floor for the edge of a homemade pathway and upbeat music played. The girls became more comfortable and confident each time they came out to show another outfit. But then  the relaxed evening changed to complete anxiety for me. I came as  an observer, or so I thought. The girls began to chant and clap for the adults attending to walk the…”plank.” The  5 adult leaders who had worked with the girls and knew them well, one by one, got up and began strutting “their stuff” as they walked with the beat and modeled just what they were wearing–some with snow boots, others with sweats. I realized that it was coming quickly to my turn. But I couldn’t do it. I literally began to have a panic attack as each got up to walk! I could not stand up. I could not move. I could not even breathe.  In my head I told myself, “YOU CAN’T WALK OUT THERE, YOU ARE A BROKEN GIRL!” As the attention was on the last woman, I got up and slipped out quickly and went home feeling horrible.

Since that night I have caught myself saying or thinking things about ME, that is not kind! “What are you thinking, you can’t do that…” keeps playing over and over in my head. I am down right mean to myself sometimes!

Do you ever berate yourself?

My New Year’s Resolution is to be kind to myself. This bullying has got to stop! A good friend of mine once told me, “Every cell in your body hears what you say about yourself.” It is not right to say unkind things to other people. It is also not right to say unkind things to yourself…over and over.  Here is my plan: I am taking a dry erase marker and writing one great thing about myself someplace where I will see it often; on my bathroom mirror, rear view mirror, computer screen, phone, etc. It will remind me to stop the bullying and start realizing I am good, not perfect, but good enough!  When I had cancer I lost my hair, my eyelashes, and my eye brows and I would write kind notes on the mirror to encourage me each morning when I had to face myself. Here is one note I wrote to myself on my mirror…’At least you have your dimples!’

Yikes, I’m sometimes a bully to myself and this has got to stop, NOW!

A little box of happy

DSC_0810My New Year’s Resolution

is to be kind to myself.

One thing that

soothes my soul

is to color.

It is a form of art therapy.

Did you know

coloring

has a meditative

calming effect.

There are wonderful

adult coloring books

in bookstores,

on Amazon,

and at craft stores.

It is portable, inexpensive and fun.

Coloring makes you happy!

And being happy

is good for you!

Come join me!