BLACK Sharpee Markers

My wish list during cancer healing grew by the day.

One wish that I wished all my surgeons knew:

When I am sitting in that small room getting ready for the operation which will be taking off or out some significant body part and I am feeling emotional, exhausted, and terrified, and I wished I weren’t there,  I wish one more thing…

When you come in and draw all over my body with a BLACK  permanent marker where you are going to cut me, don’t you think that that would bother me and feel like a cruel joke at this point?

But NO, you don’t even think that it would hurt my feelings, make me feel violated, and scare me to death.

It is convenient for YOU.

And then when I lie on that gurney right before I get put “OUT” and look down under my unfitted robe and see my naked body marked up with BLACK permanent markers, before surgery, and I wish, I plead to God, that I will wake up and this nightmare will be over.

Then I do wake up….

and in place of the BLACK marks

is a huge bandage

and a loss that feels like something inside just died.

The BLACK Sharpee marks are gone…

Do I keep wishing….(sigh)


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