A MYSTERY–The Case of the Missing Nose Hairs

It was a surprise to me, that to face all the symptoms and adversities that I would go through with cancer, that I would actually try to laugh through parts of it and get my family to laugh with me!

When I began chemotherapy I participated on a blind study with the drug Avastan. Not only do you loose your head hair with the chemo, but you don’t have any nose hairs and the Avastan drug was known to create tender sores in your nose which also created the biggest boogies I have ever seen in my life.  And I have a house full of boys so I know about those things!  My nose bled and dripped constantly because the hairs were not there to hold it in and protect the inside. Your fingers, “Inspector Pointer and Lefty” and kleenex’s were always right there to help with the problem!

I want to make sure the world knows I did not become a nose picker! 

Only a nose-stuff catcher!

 Thus I wrote this goofy mystery…

  I wrote it for my kids so we could

laugh together

about the dumb,unfortunate symptoms

that their mom had to go through and it made life at that time, a little lighter.


#1.  The Case of the Missing Nose Hairs

 It was evident it was a crime scene when the bloody boogies were discovered!

Chief Inspector Pointer and his side kick, “Lefty,” were called in to investigate right away.  No one had seen anything.  This would be a tricky case to solve… tricky-picky indeed!

Chief Pointer and Lefty knew exactly what they needed to do first.  They were going to have to go “in” to the crime scene and take a closer look around.

Traces of dried blood stuck under their nails as they moseyed around the dark tunnels of the 2 nostrils, picking up traces that could be used for further study.

Speculation:  They knew it was not a sneeze.  Every hair follicle in both nostrils had completely disappeared.  No, this was not just your average hay-fever bandit.  This had been elevated up to a serious crime.  This actually could be categorized as a “nose hair murder.”

They were given a tip by a close neighbor.  (Close, but just how close?)  Mouth came forward.  She had a beautiful pair of lips.  Inspector and Lefty knew to be careful with her. No one, no, no one was innocent until the actual culprit had been found.  Mouth mentioned that she had heard others in the “Avastan Study” had experienced similar crimes in the past.   (And maybe in the present!  Hopefully not in the future.)

They took the tip and went to investigate.  Sure enough Pointer and Lefty had found proven documents of other people who tragically had been affected by this heinous crime!

Because of the loss of so much nose hair, Investigator Pointer and Lefty had to be vigilant to not allow the emotional aspect take over their lives.  They kept tissues with them to fight the emotional stress.

Next Tactic:  To wait in the dark of night to see if someone or something becomes evident.    (Why in the night?…That is usually when crime of this nature begins!  Have you ever heard of nose hair murder done in the day?)  They decided on “tactile” investigating; a highly sensitive form of investigation only known to chief investigators.

They also decided to call in two more sleuths to help with the investigation.  Tall man and pinky were just the men for the jobs.

The snoring began around 12 a.m from the person sleeping next to the victim.  Tall man and Pinky were assigned to the nose with the loud snore.  Strangely, all hairs were intact and full of debris. It was a dirty job but they were up for it.  But there were no traces of bloody boogies anywhere.  This was dangerous work.

This was very interesting that there seemed to be no trace of the ‘Nose Hair Murderer” anywhere near this snoring nose.  Here lying in the same bed as the victim.   What could this mean?

Had they hit a wall?

Who would actually want to steal nose hair from one victim and none from one so close.

What would be the motive? Why would anyone want to steal nose hair in the first place?

These questions kept Chief Inspector and Pointer up round the clock.  Inspector began to take the crime too personally visiting the site too often.  He continually blamed himself for not seeing something he was missing. He visited the crime scene again and again.  “Completely cleaned out of hair.  This is so odd!  What am I missing?”

‘Lips had no motive,’ he thought.  ‘No one likes hair in their mouth and certainly not on those beautiful pair of lips.  Eyes had no reason, hair makes them itchy and red.  And when eyes look closely at nose they get cross.’

“Who could have done such a thing?”  Lefty adds.  “Nose was innocently taking a breather, and BAM, someone comes along and makes him a victim of crime!  His life now is a constant run!”

Inspector Pointer and Lefty could NOT leave the crime scene.  They collected specimens constantly from nostrils trying to formulate what could have happened with no avail.  They could not find the culprit and both felt to be failures!

Unfortunately,  it got from bad to worse… The victim, NOSE,  filed for an invasion of privacy report on the investigators and they were instantly removed from the case.

It was a sad day indeed when Inspector Pointer watched as Tall Man and Pinky were placed in charge of the ‘Case of the Missing Nose Hair.’

He and Lefty simply washed their hands of it—they had to move on.  There were rumors of another case that may need close attention…we won’t mention where until we know for sure.  But I hear it may get stinky!

The End….

“Tee Hee…”

 What do I do now?

Write funny things about your cancer experiences. One day you will look back and laugh.

 I really promise!

You will not feel or look like this forever!

 “Have fun with it” is my other blog if you would like to see a simple approach to living an artful life.




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